Parenting Perspective

When I had 2 children, people would comment on how cute my 2 little girls were. When I had my 3rd, people started asking if we were done. When I had my 4th, people commented that we MUST be done since we had 2 girls and 2 boys, a nice even number. Then, we were blessed with our 5th and when we walked thru stores I could see people counting the children walking with me, their mouths agape. Sometimes they would remark "You sure have your hands full!" and I would smile and reply "You should see my heart!"

In 18 days I will have been at this parenting thing for 18 years. During that time, I've learned a few things. Mostly, that parenting is more about building my character than it is about building that of my children. You've probably seen the meme that says 'My child was born looking just like my husband and not a bit like me. Then my child turned 3 and slammed the door and yelled and I said "Ohhh! There I am!"' Because of this, I've learned that parenting requires the ability to apologize often; to be quick to admit when I've made a mistake but to also be a person of my word. As parents we are intended to be a safe space for our children, but that space requires firm boundaries. Boundaries that are defined by keeping our yeses to our children and our nos. Boundaries that set expectations, but also give definitions and reasons for those boundaries. As parents, we don't set boundaries to ruin fun for our children, but to keep them safe. To benefit them for the long haul.

I could go on and write a book about how to set boundaries for our children and also how to help them understand & appreciate those boundaries. But this is a housecleaning website and I'm sure that's not what you signed up for when you started reading this blog. That being said, I'd like to share some of the most valuable insight I've ever received.

When my husband & moved into our first home and had our first child, I began to follow the FlyLady. She was such a gift! One of her quotes I loved then was "Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family." I needed this so much as a young mom. She spoke about the baby steps of caring for your home, challenging her followers to take baby steps to make their home a haven for their families. The reminder that your house didn't get into its current chaos overnight (although with small children it can happen in seconds!) so it won't be perfect overnight, was an expectation that gave me freedom to just try my best. As a perfectionist at heart, I find myself either obsessing or avoiding when perfection can't be reached. The understanding that imperfect housework still blesses my family gave me the freedom to include my children at a young age when making their beds, folding their laundry, sweeping the floors, tidying their rooms. Making cleaning fun and knowing that a 3 year old won't achieve perfection gave me time to enjoy playing with my children but also equipped my children to reach increased levels of excellence as they matured. So to my young parent friends out there, just do your best. Don't expect perfection of yourself or your children during their growing up years and watch how just working toward a common goal will develop skills within your children and will create memories of togetherness that are priceless.